The Performance Beacon

The web performance, analytics, and optimization blog

Talking Like a Pirate


In observance of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, the SOASTA team wanted to point out a few fun comparisons between the pirates of the 1800s and the pirates of the modern day tech world.

Although old-world pirates were sometimes described as hooligans and scalawags, they were also passionate adventurers. Today’s technology is moving at such a rapid pace that the new adventurers of IT are adopting exciting new tools to guide their perilous journeys through uncharted waters.

One of the reasons that we enjoy the acronym RUM and the pirate association is because there are so many tie-ins between the worlds of user behavior and the pirating activities of yore.

– For one, piracy has existed for as long as the oceans were plied for commerce. During the 1800s, pirates looked for treasures – sunken, buried or otherwise taken. Some of those treasures came in the form of golden nuggets. Today’s golden nuggets are information on the real user experience, which affect revenue and are critical to online commerce businesses and Internet retailers.

-When the pirates roamed the seas, they made estimates using sextants, following the stars for navigation. This was good for moving in the right general direction but often sent ill-fated crews miles off their destination. Today’s Real User Monitoring is like replacing antiquated sextants with modern GPS, providing deep details with pinpoint accuracy. Check out this cool video to see how SOASTA can showcase real user information without any blindspots:


-Although building the video was fun,  we are proud to put the spotlight on our platform’s extensibility to deliver custom map tiles for our customers.

And, if you want to be a little silly, pirates had a reputation for imbibing copious quantities of fermented beverages, frequently rum, which has been around since the 1600s.

How do modern day companies put web and mobile app performance information to good use? Our mPulse product is built around the belief that fresh metrics are the best metrics. mPulse captures and aggregates the performance and engagement metrics most important to businesses in real time. This delivers instantaneous real user intelligence that correlates the impact of performance on the bottom line, directing immediate action as required. Real time real user measurement lets businesses make mission-critical decisions with confidence.

Finally, in celebration of “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, we at SOASTA are happy to provide free RUM at to give you the keys to better understand how online performance effects user behavior.


Brad Johnson

About the Author

Brad Johnson

Brad is a cloud-testing pioneer who joined SOASTA in December 2008. His former roles as head of test and monitoring products at Compuware, Mercury Interactive and Borland prepared him well to disrupt the skeptical and established software quality market with updated approaches and technologies for continuous web and mobile testing.